40 DAYS: Letter to My Mum.
Adamu Ibraheem Jimeta.
It has been precisely 40 days without you; 40 days of agony, sorrow, grief, and mourning. A span of time marked by the most devastating, heart-breaking, and life-altering loss.
Mama, though I’m aware that the heart~break of loosing you may never leave me, I held onto these 40 days to summon the strength to bid you farewell. Yet, as the days passed, it became evident that I have no dominion over the tears that flow down my cheeks each day. After 40 days, the landscape remains unchanged. I still find myself praying fervently for a miracle—your return to our lives. An impossibility, but a prayer I cling to.
Forty days hence, I sit here not to say goodbye, for even when I attempted, words faltered in their duty.
How can I encapsulate your boundless love? The lexicon eludes me to recount the maternal role you embodied, the friendship you bestowed, the mentorship you provided, the sanctuary of trust you offered, and the sacrifices you made for all of us, your children, and the broader community. Above all, words fail to articulate the treatment you showered upon me. My deepest fear has always been charting life’s murky waters without your guiding hand.
Mama, I absorbed every word you imparted with rapt attention. Yet, whenever you bring up the inevitability of departure, praying you go first leaving me behind, I averted the topic, shedding tears copiously, prompting you to change the subject. Today, I grasp that you sought to teach me how to navigate life without you—an endeavor profoundly challenging for me.
I am cognizant, Mama, that you confided in several that your chief concern was my life without you. Not because of my youth, as I have four younger siblings, but due to the bond, the very essence everyone speaks of. You charged them to convey this message, urging me to be resolute. I’ve endeavored to honor your plea, though it has been a harrowing 40 days of anguish, and the count persists.
Mama, you departed on a Friday, a day you yearned to be blessed with, as your final day in Dunya. I, Abba, and my eight siblings remain here, still striving to regain our footing.
I’ve spent sleepless nights immersed in reminiscences of you—from my formative years and how you diligently oversaw, guided, and molded me into becoming what I am today. We shared cherished moments, where you imparted invaluable wisdom and counsel. In times of elation and despair, I sought refuge in you, and never once did you falter. You unravelled my problems, aided in setting my priorities, and invoked blessings for me and my siblings, as if it were your sole duty, second only to worshipping Almighty Allah, an obligation you held sacrosanct.
The thought of permanently parting with you is unfathomable. I cannot reconcile with the absence of our thrice-daily conversations, a ritual we upheld, especially when I was away. Being by your side during my time in town was an experience I grapple with. Truly, your absence is a reality I will never get used to.
I’ve heard the mourners come, offering consolation, speaking praises for you. The extended family lauds you as a pillar and unifier, while friends and neighbors eulogize you as a philanthropist. Yet, for us, Mama, you transcend description.
You are all-encompassing. You were every facet we needed in a mother: a friend, a teacher, a mentor, a model and a confidante. Only you encompassed all these roles and more, a blessing not bestowed upon everyone.
With a leaden heart, I pen these words today, not in a bid to bid adieu, but to reinforce my commitment to pray for the repose of your soul. A soul that was wholly dedicated to the service of Allah and humanity, my ultimate devotion until my last breath on this earth.
May Allah SWA pardon you, Dear Mum, for any perceived shortcomings; may His grace envelop you; may He elevate your station in the hereafter; may the sacrifices you made in our upbringing, your spirit of giving, your devotion to Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh), and your unwavering pursuit of that which pleases Allah, advocate for you before our Rabb, Allahu SWA.
I don’t bid you farewell, but pray Allah to reunite us in Aljannatul Firdausi. As much as I cherish you, I know that Allah holds you even dearer.
Thank you, Mama.
Yours, in tears of grief,