Do Friends With Benefits Relationships Really Work?
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Anyone who has ever had a difficult time—a loss in the family, a painful breakup, a catastrophe at work, etc.—knows that friends can offer a shoulder to cry on. Special friendships, though, might also provide a chest to lie on, a set of lips to suck on, and a thigh to grind. Yes, I’m referring to friends with advantages.
In cheerleading, the phrase “friends with benefits” is bandied about more than a flyer. But what exactly constitutes “friends with benefits“? The friendship that includes sexual activities and/or intimate moments often associated with dating but without the commitment of dating is best described as “friends with benefits.” People who are FWBs typically love hanging together as friends. But FWBs end their night by stripping off everything instead of ending it with a pickleback, fist bump, or bear hug.
An FWB situation can be great for people who don’t like making commitments, people who like to try new things, singles who aren’t ready to “settle down,” and anyone who wants to safely try out different kinds of intimacy.
But not everyone can use them. According to Pataky, this type of dynamic probably isn’t for you if you’re searching for commitment and feel prepared for an intense emotional connection.
Continue reading to discover some of the potential benefits and joys of an FWB relationship, as well as some of the disadvantages. Also included are five suggestions for giving yourself and your closest friend, who has now become your bedmate, some extra TLC.
How do you tell whether it’s a friends-with-benefits situation?
In the end, what counts as a friend with benefits depends on what you consider to be friends and what you consider to benefit.
Friends that roll around in bed together are typically considered to be friends with benefits. Simply put, the advantages are sexual advantages. Tanner acknowledges that there are also romantic advantages.
It’s an agreement, either verbal or nonverbal, between two (or more) people who have a platonic connection but have chosen to include a sexual or romantic component in their relationship. These additions might range from oral sex to intercourse, kissing to snuggling.
People frequently witness the dynamics of friends with benefits play out just as they did in the film of the same name: Two people who are friends learn that they also love having intimate relationships physically. But other times, strangers or friends start having regular hookups and later learn that there are other kinds of closeness as well, like intellectual, emotional, and mental intimacy.
As it stands, the friendship aspect of a friendship with benefits relationship doesn’t always mean that the two individuals were friends before the connection. It alludes to the idea that even if the sexual activity were to be avoided, individuals involved would still choose to hang out because of their emotional or platonic bond.
Advantages of boyfriend or girlfriend vs. friends
What, therefore, distinguishes a partnership from a buddy with benefits? It ultimately comes down to you and the various agreements you make with the various lovers in your life.
One of the primary contrasts is that, especially for people who want a long-term partnership, friends with benefits are not regarded as a long-term dynamic. The majority of (monogamy) people dream of getting married, having children, or finding a lifelong companion. The majority of individuals do not anticipate their friends with benefits “evolving” into a more committed dynamic. So the relationship escalator doesn’t have a step for FWBs.
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Additionally, most FWBs share fewer sorts of intimacy—or at least, less intense intimacy—than do lifetime partners. FWBs typically enjoy some emotional and sexual closeness. But most people want to be very close to their life partners in every way: romantically, sexually, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually.
What benefits of friends with benefits might there be?
Experts in relationships, sex, and mental health all agree that having a friend with benefits has many practical, emotional, sexual, and sexual benefits, so it might be right for you.
On the one hand, an FWB offers a convenient way to have someone to go out to dine with frequently. It’s undoubtedly simpler to text a friend to ask for food or to stress out than it is to sign up for dating applications.
Time and effort can be saved by having a companion with advantages. A good friend with benefits is someone you can always count on for a good sexual or romantic experience. This saves you the time and effort of searching through fish-photo-filled dating app profiles to find potential sexual partners and then spending time and effort figuring out if you have chemistry with those partners.
Tanner adds that there are other advantages to this arrangement in terms of emotional and physical safety. If you have more casual sex with someone you trust, it may be easier to express your desires and set boundaries. Casual sex with a friend is less likely to lead to a sexually transmitted infection (STI) if both friends agree on how they will take care of their sexual health.
It may also help with attachment-related healing to experiment with sex with friends rather than with a committed spouse. Yes, it can be a step in the process of moving from insecure attachment to secure attachment. A friend with advantages is less likely to make you feel insecure, so you can talk to them and feel more grounded at the same time.
Of course, there are also possible sexual advantages. A fantastic way to experiment with your sexuality is to have regular friends with benefits. These dynamics can allow you the freedom to experiment with various positions, toys, dynamics, roles, and other things as long as you feel safe doing so.
It can occasionally be challenging to find a dedicated romantic and sexual partner who also appreciates those same kinks to the same degree if you have really specific fetishes. In these situations, whether you’re single or in a polyamorous relationship, a friends-with-benefits relationship lets you enjoy your fetishes without having to be romantically compatible.
What negative effects might there be from having friends with benefits?
The “do not pass go, do not collect $200” sign for FWBs is being emotionally prepared and willing to commit. If you only care about the material benefits of dating and not the emotional commitment, a “friends with benefits” relationship is the best choice.
Aside from readiness, a desire for commitment, monogamy, and/or a long-term romantic or sexual future with someone may also preclude you from this type of connection. Because of this, FWBs are by nature incapable of monogamy, traditional commitment, or longevity.
Friends with benefits is another viable option for you in general, but it won’t work with the particular person (s) you have your heart (and thighs) set on. Rarely do FWB interactions turn into more significant issues than they were before. When someone begins this kind of relationship with someone they have feelings for in the hopes that it will develop into a romantic one, things frequently become sticky.
Five Pointers to Make Friends With Benefits Work:
1. Select the best candidate!
Yes, having a friend with advantages has its advantages. However, who that person is and how well you two (or you all) communicate ultimately determines whether or not that relationship is advantageous or terrible.
Before agreeing to be someone’s FWB, consider the following questions:
- Do I believe them?
- Have they already shown that they’ll respect my boundaries in non-sexual situations?
- When I connect with them, do I feel empowered or do I lose my sense of self?
- Can I embrace the fact that our friendship will evolve?
- If the arrangement wasn’t working for me, would I feel confident talking to someone about it?
- Should they terminate the “benefits,” would I be devastated?
2. Continue talking for a while.
A good romantic relationship depends on communication, just like any other kind of interaction. Talk openly and honestly about your needs, wants, and expectations. Do it again, then again, and again.
The arrangement that worked when the dynamic first started could need to change and expand as you go along, and that’s alright. You could even schedule a Google calendar event to renegotiate your dynamic every few weeks to see if any of the terms aren’t working for you.
3. Decide whether you want to keep things private or public.
Do you and your friend with benefits have a confidentiality policy when it comes to the other people you’re, well, cumming with? Or do you both love learning about each other’s previous hookups, dates, and partners—perhaps even thrive on it? Discuss this early on and as often as necessary.
If you find yourself spending a lot of time with your FWB, you might want to start finding out about their other dates so you won’t be completely shocked if they start dating seriously and need to spend less time or sexual time with you. You may employ (or omit) barriers during sex depending on the number and type of sexual partners you have. Concerning that…
4. Discuss STI prevention, testing, and your (current) status.
You should discuss your plans to prevent unwanted STI transmission and/or pregnancy before boning anyone. This advice applies to FWB situations as well.
You should talk about how often each of you should get another STI test, how you want to handle barriers and birth control with each other and any other partners, and so on because friends with benefits relationships usually give everyone a chance to sleep with other people.
5. Recognize the distinction between commitment and monogamy in general.
The fact that a friendship with benefits relationship is typically not monogamous is one of its primary characteristics. It is not mutually exclusive on the sexual and romantic fronts. It’s crucial to keep in mind, though, that an FWB relationship can be devoted without being monogamous.
You may establish, communicate, experience a sense of loyalty, or express a wish to keep the dynamic going throughout time, even if the connection is not exclusive. Knowing how you two vary from one another might help you both treat the other with respect.
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