Maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for overcoming codependency. They increase and reflect self-esteem. Learning to establish and uphold proper boundaries is a critical step toward individuation and becoming an independent, autonomous person.
Early on, children learn about boundaries. In some connected dysfunctional families, your individuality and boundaries may be openly loathed. Verbal and physical abuse, prying into private communications, denial of privacy, and rejection of your beliefs and opinions are just a few instances. Our sense of ourselves is destroyed by trauma and harmful shame. Parental guidance and example of how to treat others are other ways to teach and model boundaries.
You must be able to identify your feelings, realize that you have rights and value, and then muster the bravery to express those things in order to be able to communicate your boundaries.
Following are examples of healthy boundaries and healing:
It’s possible to refuse.
Codependents retain resentment when they don’t establish boundaries and frequently feel bad about it. They don’t think they have the right to do so since they see setting boundaries as being harsh or self-serving.
You don’t let anyone take advantage of or mistreat you.
If your boundaries are strong, no one will be able to violate them. You won’t put up with abuse or let someone take advantage of you. You’ll speak up and let people know how you want to be treated.
In times of pressure, you can maintain your composure.
When you create a critical border, you won’t let other individuals influence your decision otherwise. In partnerships, you can still be flexible with your boundaries, such as by going out when you’d rather stay in, but not on important issues. For example, if you feel that leaving your comfort zone would be detrimental to your health, you could remain to it.
You don’t find it offensive when people respect your boundaries.
You respect the limitations and rules of other people which the key lesson in Healthy Boundaries. You assume that someone doesn’t care about you if you aren’t immediately angered or angry. (In some cases, it might be, such as when dealing with a narcissist. It’s just more information on what to expect from that connection; don’t take it personally.)
You lack an awareness of your grownup responsibilities.
We are answerable for our children, but not for our grownups; it is we who are accountable for them. Codependents feel responsible for other people’s emotions in close relationships. They typically react with irrational guilt, apologize frequently, and seek to “fix” the other person’s negative feelings.
You try not to take criticism personally.
When you have healthy limits, you are true to yourself. Your limit sifts through criticism. You could consider if the criticism is warranted or not. If it is abusive, the comment more accurately represents the abuser than it does you. Toxic shame may make your boundaries brittle, enabling you to take criticism from others without retaliation.
You acknowledge responsibility for your triggers.
Learn to control your triggers rather than placing the blame for your incorrect reactions or triggers on another person. This might include apologies.
- You respect other people’s privacy.
You realize that individuals are diverse, singular beings with a variety of restrictions. You uphold your rights and expect the same decency from others. You can give in when it comes to other people.
You respect your rights and feelings.
This is preceded by establishing boundaries. In building Healthy Boundaries, You must respect your feelings and trust in your own rights before making a command and expecting others to abide by it.
You don’t need other people to agree with you.
You value each person as a unique individual with clear Healthy Boundaries. If others disagree with you, it doesn’t matter to you, and you won’t bother trying to persuade them that you are correct and they are mistaken. You can disagree respectfully while still expressing your opinions and talking about the many aspects of the subject.